Dreams With Nancy

“Deeper Than Before”

Several years ago (when Nancy was here), maybe as long ago as ten or more, I had a similar dream on at least two occasions. In these dreams, Nancy and I were driving in our Jeep. We drove to the end of the pavement and entered a lush forest. The dense trees provided a canopy, and the unpaved road was covered with leaves and mulch from previous years, resulting in a soft ride. We proceeded further into the forest, in the Jeep, on the soft road, often under the overhang from nearby trees. After a while, the road ended in a turnaround, and we had no choice but to turn back from an otherwise beautiful excursion.

A few months ago, I awoke at night in an altered consciousness. A tunnel appeared near the foot of the bed, the entrance hovering above the side where Nancy (now deceased) would normally have slept. I proceeded through this tunnel, and Nancy was with me. I never laid eyes on her directly, but she was there, visible from the corner of my eye.

We were back in the Jeep, and we drove to the end of the pavement, into the forest. As before, it was dark, quiet and beautiful, and the road was cushioned with leaves left there from previous autumns. We went, deeper, deeper. But this time there was no turnaround, and we were able to continue further than ever into the forest. The deeper we got, the taller the trees became, until they were unnaturally, hundreds of feet, tall.

I then found myself out of that dream body, floating upward to the treetops, and looking far down at the Jeep as it proceeded with Nancy and I inside, into the forest deeper than before.

“Nancy’s Bookmarks”

In the dream, I am sorting through Nancy's bookcases, and I pick one of Nancy's books. I open the inside front cover. The facing page is covered with a paper that had threads woven into it in a random pattern, giving it a textured appearance. I lightly (so as to not impress into the book) write the title of the book in pencil in small letters near the top, and it is barely discernible due to the woven pattern. For some reason, I am labeling Nancy's books thusly as if the actual title of her books were not readily visible otherwise. Partway into the book, I discover a few handmade bookmarks that Nancy had made. Some are decorated in ink, others pencil. The art is abstract, and it is delicate, like patterns of a dragonfly's wing. Various ovals and ellipses dominate. But, it is definitely one of Nancy's artistic styles. (I actually have an example or two in waking life.)

Deeper into the book, I find a clutch of many more of her handmade bookmarks, all in this particular distinctive style unique to Nancy. There are perhaps twenty, more than I ever thought I would find or even be able to be contained in the book. Some are rectangular, but some have contoured edges, cutting into and out of the bookmark. They therefore have varied shapes. I notice that the ones in pencil are very precise and delicate; they were probably drawn using one of her mechanical pencils. They are all beautiful, and it is a wonderful find. I note that I should search her other books for other possible treasures and not be careless with her books.

“Go, Nancy, Go!”

Nancy and I are at a large public pool. The pool has a relatively narrow walkway and grass around it for lulling about on towels & stuff. The entire area is surrounded by a high white wall, tens of feet high. Other than Nancy and I, there may be perhaps two other people there at the most. Nancy and I are in the water, the pool is VERY deep, perhaps 50 feet or more. This does not seem unusual or difficult as we swim about under water, even deeply. There is no problem with breathing or ear pressure. From deep in the pool, I see clearly Nancy soaring about in the water. I am near the bottom, and looking upward at a slight angle, I see her near the far end of the pool soaring smoothly up to the surface. We are both naked and not self-conscious in the "public" pool.

When I am out of the pool, I can see that, on the bottom, there is something that Nancy has left there. It is a flat stiff paper circle, about 12" in diameter, with a large hole in the center. It is divided radially into different colored segments, perhaps 8 or 12. What is notable is that there is a tear or jagged notch in the paper, breaking the circle.

There are additional episodes in this dream which tale place outside of the pool area, but they are not of interest here. Later, Nancy and I return from the outside back to the pool area, and I lift my yellow legal tablet, just like the one I use in waking life on which I make my nightly dream notes. In this dream, I intend to record what has just occurred, and I find to my surprise, that the notepad is already full with my writing, both with notes of dreams past, and of dreams which are yet to occur.

“Go, Nancy, Go!” watercolor on hot press, 9” x 12”

“Late Night Visitor”

Soon after I fall asleep, I become alert, and I sense that Nancy is in the next room. Then, I hear her breathing and a rustle and movement next to me in the bed, and I assume that it is an illusion. Next, I feel her take my right hand, and it is definitely Nancy's hand; I know the feeling. I am stunned and get emotional. I start gasping things like, "Oh, My God!" several times while I try to suppress my gasps and sobs. This was so real ... do I dare believe what seems to be happening? I must have been quite a quivering spectacle, but she seems undeterred. I open my eyes and look at my hand. I can see mine, but hers is at first invisible, but unmistakably present by feeling. Next, I hear her voice say, "Let's see if this will work," as if to herself or to someone who is perhaps helping her, but not to me. Then, I feel her next to me on the bed, and I reach over and around with my left hand (she is still holding my right hand) and touch and caress her right side of her face and head, and I can touch and feel her hair! Her face becomes visible, along with her hand, and other parts of her, although some parts of her body fade phantom-like into transparency. (Note: The room was dark; the accompanying illustration shows the room lighter than it actually was. That's just how my first experience using water-soluble graphite turned out in rendering this experience.)

“Living in Paradise”

“Paradise” watercolor & india ink on hot press, 5” x 7”

I am crossing a walkway that crosses a shallow gulley between one area and another. My feet are bare, and I remember that, in the past, this walkway was rocky and painful to my bare feet. However, the masonry has been redone since I was last there, and it is now comfortable on my bare feet. It even feels good. I cross the walkway comfortably.

On the other side, there is a beautiful pond, surrounded by lush vegetation. I get into the pond, up to my neck, and I think, "I'm living in Paradise!" A girl has followed me, at first at a distance, and she has just crossed the walkway. She is attractive, tan, and is wearing a 2-piece short slit skirt with a diagonal cut and a top, which leaves her mid-section bare. It is earth-colored tan and is native clothing for the region. I reach up, take her hand, and pull her into the water and kiss her on the lips. It's Nancy.

“A Walk in the Countryside”

Nancy and I are walking together in the countryside, on dirt roads and trails. We have just left one of her clients, for whom she has provided a service which will protect them and help them and their small staff be safe as they publish their controversial newsletter.

It is Friday evening, and twilight is beginning. Yet, Nancy wants to make a few more calls to other small newsletter publishers so that they can be safe, once we have reached town. I make a note, impressed with her desire to help people be safe even though it will take up her otherwise free Friday evening, of which she is often protective. We are walking together to the city in the distance.

The surrounding land is fairly lush high altitude desert, with grassy ground cover, and sparse juniper and manzanita bushes and trees. As we walk, Nancy comments that some of the trees seem to have bandages and are moist, as if wounded. We approach one tree, and I climb up it a little to look at the "bandage" that is near the top. It is actually a white canvas tarpaulin draped over part of it intended to keep the tree relatively warm and frost-free to protect it from freezing at night. Many other trees have tarps as well near their tops. I think that it is nice that someone has taken the trouble to protect so many of these trees and bushes in the wild, even though they don't belong to anyone.

We continue walking together. Nancy points to the distant right of the road and says she thinks that something used to be there, like an airport, and she wonders where it is. I tell her that I think that there used to be a small aircraft landing field there that is no longer used and has been overgrown by the desert foliage.

It is just so nice to be out with Nancy, strolling leisurely but with purpose at dusk, casually speaking and wondering aloud with each other about whatever we saw or came to our minds or whatever we wondered about.

“Wallpaper for Nancy”

This dream is unusual in this series for a few reasons. First of all, except for the content of the artwork, there are no surreal aspects. The events in this dream could happen literally as described. Secondly, Nancy is not objectively present, although in this dream, she is the inspiration for my artwork. Now, on to the dream.

In the dream, I am sitting at my drawing table, illustrating a pattern for bathroom wallpaper. As I am drawing it, I think, "Nancy is going to be proud of this!"

Not only could the events in this dream actually happen, but they evidently did. The art to the left is proof of that.